There is no such thing as 'self-sabotage'
I want to tell you a little secret... The self-help industry has lying to you about self-sabotage. The word self-sabotage is an oxymoron. The truth is, your brain is always trying to help you, just not always in the way you want it to!
Sound confusing? Allow me to explain. Read on to:
🌟 Learn: Why and how the brain gets it wrong (a lot of the time)
🧠Discover: Tips to help your brain help you (the right way!)
đź’ˇ Try: A personal trainer for your brain! (hint-no weights involved)
Now, where was I? Oh yes, your brain....
How does your brain, brain?
A story of good intentions gone wrong
Let's go back in time.
Fundamentally, the primary job of your brain is to keep the organism that you call your body, alive. Thanks to evolution, the brain has become a high-power prediction machine that scans your internal and external environment for any threat to your continued existence. By using your senses, the brain monitors changes in your internal state, checking chemical levels, heart rate, pulse, breathing, and hunger, as well as scanning the external environment by listening to noises and watching for movement.
Since we are social creatures, it also monitors the people around us, their interactions and their relationships. The brain knows that staying connected to the tribe increases our likelihood of survival. Thus, it gathers the data, arrives at a conclusion (based on previous experience), then initiates an action, which may be an internal change in your body chemistry or external behaviour.
Your bodyguard is always on duty
Every single moment of your life, you have a Watcher on guard, looking out for your safety, ensuring that you find the next meal and that you can pass DNA onto the next generation for humanity's continued survival.
From the time you are born, your brain-body (since they are, in fact, one) is cataloguing your experiences, giving them meaning and telling you a story about who you are, how you fit into the world, and how the world around you works. This process happens repeatedly so that by the time you reach around the age of 7, most of what you think you know today about yourself, and the world has been programmed and stored in what we commonly refer to as your subconscious mind.
It does this to conserve energy because, as the body's most energy-hungry organ, the brain must find a way to manage energy for the rest of the body. So, it stores all of your beliefs, habits, and attitudes as mental maps in a part of the brain you are unaware of. When required, your brain-body will access these mental maps within seconds and initiate (or inhibit) a behaviour. The process is so invisible to you that you often don't know why you do some of the things you do or think some of the thoughts you think. It is utterly seamless. That sounds like a great partnership until it isn't anymore.
What could go wrong?
The problem comes when you want to change; either you want to stop doing something (give up smoking or cut out sugar) or take on something new such as a new health regimen, start a new business, take up a new sport, or learn a new skill. Change requires energy because the brain must now build new maps or to use the correct term, neural networks, to accommodate new behaviour and thinking. Moreover, the prediction machine inside the brain is, in a way, rendered blind – it cannot predict the outcome of these new things since it has no previously recorded data on what any of it means.
Don't believe every(any)thing you think!
So, how does your bodyguard respond? It initiates a sequence of thinking, feeling, and behaving designed (from its perspective) to get you back to the known and familiar territory of who you have been until now, to keep you safe! It will tell you stories about how uncomfortable this is and how tired you are. It will justify using language like, 'you've worked hard, you deserve it', or 'this one time won't kill you'.
Sometimes, it may pull out the big guns and send you some adrenaline and cortisol, triggering a feeling of anxiety, which it will assign a meaning to, telling you, 'You feel anxious; therefore, this just isn't for you!'
If you have ever attempted to change anything, you will know this cycle. It happens to everyone! That's why so many books are written about self-sabotage.
An unfair accusation
The trouble I have with the language of self-sabotage is that it implies that you are to blame when the change isn't as successful as you wanted or when you revert to old behaviours, and nothing could be further from the truth.
The last thing you or your brain-body wants to do is sabotage you. You (and your brain) want what is best for you; this simple purpose drives all human behaviour. What has happened is a miscommunication in motives. You and your brain have not had a conversation about who is in charge!
How do you manage this, then?
Are you doomed to stay in a repetitive cycle of being the same as you were 10, 20, or 30 years ago? Absolutely Not!
Keep reading to learn the ways that I help my brain, to help me (the way I want it to) and how you can too....
Keep-Fit Fuel for your brain!
I know you keep your body fit; you feed it well, exercise it, and take your supplements. What about your brain? It needs to keep fit and strong too. Lion’s Mane mushrooms are like a personal trainer for your brain—keeping it strong, sharp, and resilient.
They are packed with compounds called hericenones and erinacines, which stimulate nerve growth factor (NGF), helping your brain grow and repair itself. Think of it as a brain-boosting superfood that enhances memory, focus, and mental clarity while reducing brain fog. It also fights inflammation and oxidative stress—two major culprits behind cognitive decline. That’s why I take Lion’s Mane daily—to stay sharp, support my brain, and give myself the best chance at lifelong mental clarity.
Beware, not all Lion’s Mane is created equal, though! I use PrimeSelf’s Lion’s Mane because they use a full-spectrum extract from 100% fruiting bodies—no fillers, no nonsense. The standardised formulation ensures it contains the real brain-boosting compounds, and they use a dual extraction method to pull out the widest range of benefits. Basically, it’s the good stuff.
If you want to give your brain the edge it deserves, grab yours at PrimeSelf and use the code TANIA10 at checkout for 10% off. Your brain will thank you! ✨
How does your brain, brain cont...
Excuse me, do you Mind...?
The first step is to recognise that the mind and the brain-body are discreet yet inseparable pieces of you. Humans' ability to self-reflect, observe their thinking and behaviour and make adjustments makes them unique. Here is the mind-at-work, observing the brain-body. When you recognise this, and you enter observer mode, you become conscious of the subconscious processes the brain-body is running. When you (the Observer) become aware of these processes, you can initiate change by getting into the driver's seat of your life.
Awareness is only the first step.
Observing will not be enough, though. The next step is to work with the cues your brain-body is receiving and give it alternative cues to help it assign more beneficial meanings. For example, if you want to take up running, join a group of runners. Your Watcher will monitor the signals inside and outside of your body and begin collecting new data about running – it will observe that runners have fun, it's not so bad, nobody is dying! Use this simple hack; change your environment (people and place), and the brain-body will have no option but to make new maps.
It's nice to meet you!
Thirdly, I encourage you to befriend the Watcher with compassion and gratitude. That piece of you developed to protect you, not sabotage you. When you fight with it, it will resist you with might, and you will lose the battle. It needs gratitude and a reminder that, now, you are in charge, and by making these changes, you will keep the body-brain and mind safe.
Yes, I talk to myself (some people call me crAzy)!
Very gently, I will thank my Watcher and remind it that I have got this, and I will keep us both safe. In that moment, all resistance will melt. I may need to have that conversation more than once, though the more mindful I become of my Watcher and its desperate survival tactics, the more I can settle it and build new maps (that it will fight then to protect in the future!).
It's not you; it's your brain.
YOU have the power to become conscious and mindfully in charge of your own life. Going it alone, however, is not optimal. That's what makes coaching so effective. When you engage a qualified coach, you give your brain a resource that helps it to work with you, in the right way!
As you can tell, I am super passionate about this! For more than 17 years I have coached people of all ages and from all walks of life to help their brains, help them (the right way!). This year, I am committed to helping more people than ever before, which is why I started the Freedom Collective. The Freedom Collective is a group coaching and mastermind membership for women who know they can do more, have more and be more without sacrificing their true selves. When you join the Freedom Collective you will experience powerful personal development, business development, and community support to help you build new ways of being that stick!
Are you ready to take the wheel in your life?
We kick off on 03 April, 2025 at 10h30. If you join before 31 March, you will also get a Founders Bonus—a 90-minute 1:1 deep-dive coaching session to deepen your life and/or business so that you are ready for a new future with the Freedom Collective!
Hurry – those spots are limited - once they are gone, they are gone!
👉 Click here to explore The Freedom Collective
REMEMBER If you join before 31 March, you may qualify for a special Founders Bonus - a FREE 1:1 Deep Dive into your business (valued at R7500)
I know this week’s insights will help you unlock your potential and make powerful changes. Remember, your brain is your most valuable asset—take care of it, fuel it, and help it, to help you! Until next week, keep breaking barriers and embrace the change that takes you to your next level!
Much Love,
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